What is me?

I wish I looked like her. I wish I had someone to call mine like she does. I wish I had her hair. I wish I had her body. I wish I was her…
I need to stop putting myself down all the time. I look at myself and just say “Is that it?”, “Why do I have to look like this”, “Why am I fat”. to be honest, I hate my body. I hate the way I look. I hate everything about me. & I can’t do anything about it. All I can do is work out all the time when I CAN, and not be a lazy ass. I need to eat even more healthy. I need to do something. What I don’t want is to be like all those fake bitches at school. I still wanna be me, but when people see me I want them to be like “Oh my god, is that really her?” Not just look at me and see nothing. I want to be loved by some other person, I want to have someones arms around me all the time. Someone that I can call mine. Guys these days are all about the looks and I fucking hate it. Why can’t I be uber pretty like all the other girls. Why can’t I have the body as a model? Why can’t I just be happy with who I am, with who God made me to be. Yah, he has a plan for me and all that, whatever. Fuck the plan. I want to be what I want. & I finally understand and I know I can’t do it. I gotta stay as me. ME. No one else. It’s time to stand up for myself and stop thinking all negative. Just be me….but really.. what is me? If I don’t know who me is then how am I suppose to do anything with myself.

Some days, I wish I could just start over. Start over my whole life. I wish I kept doing dance and gymnastics. Maybe I would look different if I have? I guess I’ll just never know…


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